PTSD With No Military Background

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is not something that only affects people in the military. It can affect anyone, and it’s a lifelong companion. Sure, you may learn to live with it, but it affects every waking moment, every decision, every occasion.

I’ve had PTSD since I was 11 and witnessed a traumatic incident that involved a shooting of a family member and a hostage-like situation over 14 hours. I recently read something that said PTSD is like having the worst day of your life playing over and over and over in your head and not being able to find the remote to turn it off. That’s exactly what it’s like.

Anything can trigger a PTSD event. How far are we ever really from having one? Probably just on the verge at any given moment. Normally, my events don’t occur often anymore, and when they do they are acute for about three days. A couple of months ago, I suffered a serious episode that lasted nine days. The episode was triggered by my daughter telling me she was going to have a surgical procedure…the removal of a cyst…and they found her iron was low. I panicked. I was terrified. This episode sent me back into therapy.

My new therapist is amazing. She’s the best one I’ve ever had. She gets me.

PTSD is not like it’s portrayed in the movies. I can work. People don’t know I have it unless I tell them. It annoys my kids sometimes, but they have come to terms with it. PTSD does limit my life – or rather I limit my own life because of the PTSD. I freak out when I’m in the car because I’m afraid every car on the road is going to crash with me. I have severe stranger danger. I don’t trust anyone. I don’t commit easily. I’m hoping to work through some of these things with the therapist. The older I get, the easier it is to talk about this.

No Real Damage

I’ve been on Weight Watchers since September 30, 2016 – roughly six weeks. The first month, I lost 14 pounds. That’s pretty fabulous, right? I think so. Then, I spent a week stuck at exactly the same weight. I’m not complaining too much because I could have been fluctuating. The next four days I cheated. Yesterday, even though I cheated a bit I still was relatively on track. I cheated with rotisserie chicken, skin and all.

This morning, I woke up and am at the weight I was stuck at for a week. This is good news really. I didn’t do any damage. I didn’t lose weight, but didn’t gain any either. ¬†Today, I’m back in a good place. I went grocery shopping yesterday and bought several high protein items that should be helpful. I also bought some of the Weight Watchers Mocha Latte ice cream. It’s delicious and only two points. I’ve been hearing people talk about Halo Top, but I’ve not found any yet.

This week, I’m performing in public for the first time with the harmony group I sing with. It should be fun. We’re going to dress up in matching outfits. It’s a church fund raiser. I’m going to buy some new pants today for the performance. I hate to do that since hopefully I won’t be able to wear them very long, but I need to match the rest of the group.

The Ontology of Me

It has been awhile since I’ve had a website or blog. That’s funny considering my bachelors degree in IT/web development. I used to love all things websites…until getting a job at a large real estate brokerage developing websites. My love of creating something pretty became a zoo of, “That font’s ugly,” “The color isn’t just right,” “I don’t like that picture,” “I need this information changed…it’s an emergency…I don’t care if you’re on the way to the ER…your friend will probably have another heart attack at a more convenient time…me me me me me first!”

So…six months ago I left websites behind. I now work for a Fortune above 10 company as a project manager…not in IT. I’m taking a different path.

Ontology is a way of being. I thought The Ontology of Me is a good name for a blog post about…me…If I have to learn all these doctoral words I may as well use them.

I’m not quite a doctor yet, but I will be by the third quarter of next year. ¬†For the past decade, I’ve worked full-time while going to school full-time. In my tiny amount spare time, I sing with a harmony group. I’m doing Weight Watchers at the moment. During the month of October, I lost 14 pounds. The past three days I cheated, but now I’m back on target. It’s hard to lose weight when you love wine as much as I do, but it’s absolutely do-able. I hope to lose another 86 pounds. We’ll see how it goes.

You can expect to see just about anything here. I’m so sick of Facebook. What irritates me the most is how people tend to be followers. There are few unique people on Facebook. Everybody posts the same old tired stuff. I just want something different. So here I am.